Goodbye,”Sweet” Surgery #16.

Through it all, I’m very happy to say that made it out on top. Even through the fear and the worry, I came to find the sweetness from my support systems, my doctors, and ultimately in myself.

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Yeah, last night I had a good cry, I’ll admit that.

Just about every other surgical procedure I’ve ever endeavored, has ultimately resulted in me having some sort of surgical complication, or another.  

If you’ve gotten to know me by now, this is no secret in any way.

So as I began to mentally prepare myself for what the following day might hold– while still staying as openly optimistic as possible–  I physically felt like I needed to prepare for the worst case scenario.

The worst cases being, of course, either me being readmitted to the hospital for more observation, OR even worse.. A potential extra surgical procedure.

This was my worry.  I knew that it was a cruel and intentional torture I had tasked upon myself. Still, almost superstitiously I felt like if I hadn’t physically prepared myself for the next day, I wouldn’t be able to tolerate whatever news my doctor had for me, on either a physical or even an emotional level.

I barely slept.

My anxiety was also partially attributed to the fact that I could barely handle the pain of riding in the car down the road, let alone an hour away to the hospital.  I was a mess.

Luckily, once we hit the expressway I was able to catch a few Z’s in the car; with a bag of ice basically glued to my wrapped up and bandaged arm.

 

We finally made it to my Dr’s office, and I am beyond pleased to share that all of my worry was completely for naught.

I met with my surgeon and he took off my bandages for the first time since the procedure.

 

To my surprise(s), not only were my stitches the dissolvable kind, but I was also–thankfully–fully healed.

He then gave me the full clearance to move on ahead!

  • Thus meaning the following: I could start bearing weight on my arm/prepare to start doing yoga again, get my arm wet/ shower, and eventually get the hell off my stupidly-addictive and only-moderately-necessary painkillers. (don’t even get me STARTED on how much I LOATHED my portable nerve block -_-).

So yes, I may still be in a lot of pain, but I know that with physical therapy, that this all should either slowly begin to dissipate or I’ll eventually return to my usual rate of chronic/phantom-limb pain, in time.

I do now have a new badass scar where he removed a third large neuroma, which was causing pain on the radial side of my arm. Yet thankfully, that is now the section of my arm with the least amount of total pain, so I am definitely going to consider that to be a big win, right there!

The hope is that the fancy new neurocaps that my surgeon placed on the ends of my revised nerves could potentially prevent me from needing any further neuroma revisions in the future.  Still, I’ll say it right here and right now. Although this surgery was meant to be an outpatient procedure, do not let yourself be fooled, nerve surgery is NO JOKE, painful af.

Anyway, for now only time will tell. I’ve still got quite a bit of work to do and a long road ahead of me. HOWEVER, for now I’m just really happy to hear that, with time, life can start to return back to “normal” ..well whatever that may even mean in my book, anyway.

Deep breaths. Strength and Ease.  I’ve got this in the bag.

#16, parting has never been sweeter!

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40 days to a personal revolution

I started this process, moaning and groaning before I began my #40daysofyoga . But with enough convincing from @megankelly, I finally commited. I knew that there was a good chance that I wouldn’t follow through with it. But I did it…and I must say that it was genuinely worth every step of the journey.  I’ve come to learn so much about myself and realize just how far I truly am able to push myself, both on and off of my mat.

I live at home with my parents and for the first time in 3 years I actually began both preparing and cooking for myself again, because of the process.

Admittedly there were some rough patches along the way. About 3 weeks into the work I became really sick and physically exhausted. I was in bed, sick and dizzy for days. Not only that, but there were also many emotional obstacles in facing some of my own inner-self discoveries, too. But it was a great extension to help improve upon my own mindful thought process– which is actually what happened to keep me mentally stable throughout my hospital stay around my arm’s amputation.

There will be no more moaning and groaning from me.  Meg and I both stuck it out and made it through. Now I am 100% addicted. I love now bringing presence and vitality (among many other drishti’s) into my practice and I strive to continue to do so.

So thank you @growyoga for giving me the tools I needed in order to help perfect upon my practice.

Thank you Meg for being my beautifully-souled and fully mindful support along the way. I love you, girly!!!

(Also thanks for taking the pics, @mugglesandmalas)

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